Hi there!
I’m Paula Zerfoss.
I’m a licensed psychotherapist and a certified EFT therapist and supervisor.
I’ve been working with couples for over 25 years.
But what does that actually mean for you as my client?
I’d like to share my story-both personally and professionally. As I often do, I’m going to take a unique path. I’ll start at the end of the story, by telling you what I’ve come to know about couples, and work my way back.
A few things I’ve learned about couples.
People are ashamed of their inability to resolve their arguments with the person they love most in the world.
Couples often feel stuck, but also don’t want to lose these important relationships.
When couples cannot resolve their conflicts, they often resort to desperate strategies. They attack and blame one another. They complain, get defensive or numb out to avoid their pain and then they feel stuck again!
So, how did I come to learn these things? My experience with couples work actually started with my marriage.
My personal path.
I want you to know that whatever you might be experiencing right now, chances are that I’ve been there, too.
Just like so many people, I was in a distressed marriage which ended in divorce.
The pain of a difficult relationship was 24/7 for me. I could not stop thinking about it. It took up much of my spare time. It was like my obsession and my “hobby.”
After taking a therapeutic journey of my own, I was inspired to help others who were struggling. I saw friends as well as clients who seemed so unhappy in their relationships but they didn’t know what to do and didn’t want to leave.
Why were these relationships derailing? How can people who clearly love each other get back on track? There must be some way, I reasoned…
My professional journey.
In the meantime, I had done so much in the field of Psychotherapy. Some of my accomplishments include:
Working with distressed teens and their families.
Receiving national recognition from the Police Accreditation arm, CALEA, for a program I created to train police officers in the Chicago area to handle Domestic Violence cases.
I had started a special Court calendar to handle DV cases in suburban Chicago.
And I had run groups and done therapy with many couples at The Greenhouse Domestic Violence Shelter in Chicago.
All of these experiences taught me so much about working with couples, but I still felt there was a missing piece that would tie all I had learned together.
Enter EFT: The game-changer for my work with couples and families.
I went in search of help for my couples and their families, and I found EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy). It dovetailed perfectly with my personality and the way I like to do therapy-offering playfulness along with structure but without being rigid.
And most importantly, it honored each partner’s striving for connection, no matter how angry or shut down they seemed in the face of frustration, conflict, and disconnection.
I was thrilled to discover that by using this model I could choreograph and reframe couples’ interactions in the moment. By doing this, their hurt and pain could be seen by their partner instead of just the anger or rejection that usually surfaced.
It is with joy and patience that I help people rediscover that they are loved so that they can break free from the fears which have kept them feeling so lonely even when they were together.
And it is a pleasure to supervise other therapists so that even more couples and families can be helped.
If you’re ready to work together, or you’d like to find out more, let’s connect.
Frequently Asked Questions.
Do you accept insurance? How does insurance work?
I do not accept insurance, however I am considered an “out-of-network provider” and that means some insurance companies will cover all or part of my services. To determine if you have mental health coverage, the first thing you should do is check with your insurance carrier. Check your coverage carefully and find the answers to the following questions:
What are my mental health benefits?
Does my insurance cover out-of-network providers?
If yes, what is the coverage amount per session?
Do I need to meet a deductible before my benefits kick-in?
Is approval required from my primary care doctor?
How long are therapy sessions and what is the cost?
The typical session length is 75-minutes though this can vary from couple to couple. The cost per session is $225
I am happy to be able to offer a limited number of sliding scale appointments online in these challenging times. Please ask me about this.
What payment types do you accept?
Payments can be made in cash or check and I also offer other electronic payment platforms for your convenience.